You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
