ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
