On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
