i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
