I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
