well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
