I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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