No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
