She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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