Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
