do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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