i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
