Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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