Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
