All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
