He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
