i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
