If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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