So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
