I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
