i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you never un-have a 4some
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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