God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
