I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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