Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have feelings that need drinking.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
