theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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