Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just pee around me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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