FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
