my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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