I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
