If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
