i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
