Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
