Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
