You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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