Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
