Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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