Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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