i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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