I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
