thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
