just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Found the puke drawer
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
