Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
