why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
