Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
