booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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