If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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