yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
