Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
