from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The power of my boobs compel you
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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