Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
