come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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