..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She even gives head with a lisp.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
