your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
