umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
