I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Who died my cat blue again?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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