Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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