come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
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