Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
