So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
