at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
